18 posts tagged “qotd”
Who was the first person to give you info -- correct or not -- on how to "make babies"?
Submitted by Manon-It-All.
When I was in the fourth grade the word 'blowjob' was introduced into my vocabulary as I had begun to overhear this mysterious word seemingly everywhere within earshot at school: in the cafeteria, the halls, near the bathrooms, by the water fountains. The 5th and 6th grade boys were the primary culprits. Using this word in tandem with a girls name would set them off in a surreptitious fit of laughter. I knew this word was taboo. I knew it was bad and that I would get in trouble for saying it. I knew there was something "sexy" about it but I had NO idea what it meant or how to come by this information. In a tizzy to finally quash the query, I turned to my sweet catholic ESL mother for guidance.
After school one day I went into the kitchen as my mother was making preparations for dinner and sat down at the table. Without introduction I blurted out "Mom, what's a blowjob?". She barely flinched as she looked over her shoulder at me and paused for a second. Calmly, she walked toward the drawer where we kept our collection of clear vegetable bags from the produce section of the grocery store and extracted one. She then sat across from me and stared me dead in the face. I was starting to get a little scared. She looked so serious, as if I had asked about raising the dead, as if she were sending me to my doom. "What have i gotten myself into?" I thought. "How bad could this blow job thing really be?"
Without diverting her gaze in the slightest, she slid her hand over the flimsy & limp clear plastic resting her grip around the top. She brought it to her lips, and proceeded to inflate the bag. To, well, blow. Air began to fill the space and I noted how cylindrical those little bags really are. Once the bag was fully inflated and quite firm she pulled it away from her mouth holding it tight in her left hand so as not to let any air out and said "That" her right hand slamming and popping the plastic bag, the sound jolting me in my seat, "was a blow job." And without any further explanation she got up from her seat and went back to chopping vegetables.
Over the course of the next year, knowing that my parents were no help and too embarrassed to talk to anyone else, I became obsessed with the things I had no answers to. Everything was changing in me and on me and around me there were signs everywhere that people knew the things I didn't: that there was a whole lexicon of things sexual and physical that i wasn't privy to, that people were doing things scantily clad in dimly lit rooms and casually making grown-up asides about the events after the fact while smoking a cigarette or sipping on brandy or some other bullshit adult charade. I would see the allusions in movies. I could see the answers on the screen but, as if these were in written in Sanskrit, I couldn't decipher their meanings. Actors knew. Teachers knew. All adults knew but didn't want kids to. Kids thought they knew or would pretend to know but really just wanted to know more.
All these assholes knew the secret, meanwhile, I was waking up with strange things happening to me. I swear I just woke up with pubes one day. I have no gradual memory of this. One day there was nothing and the next there was and it scared the fuck out of me. I was frustrated, pissed off, confused. "What is sex and why is it hijacking my body?" Fed up one weekend, I biked to the library. I wandered the isles and rows until I found what I was looking for: SEX, PUBERTY, MORE ABOUT SEX. I pulled about fifteen books that seemed to reveal the 'mysteries' I had for so long been in the dark about, checked out, and rode home.
In a haste, I took the camping gear out of the closet, ran to the back yard, and erected a tent under the avocado tree. Only later would I recognize the pun implicit in this little self-discovery camping story. My parents asked what I was up to: "Homework" the catch-all reply. I devoured the information on the pages. Gonads. Hormones. Sexual Maturation. Nocturnal emissions. Menses. Ovulation. Heavy petting. Intercourse. Clitoris. Orgasm. Ejaculation. Sperm. Uterus. Enlightenment. Food was brought to me so I stayed for two days reading, only coming out to use the bathroom, which, overnight, had been transformed into a magic chamber for me to observe these new findings about my body. Now I knew. I was reaching 'sexual maturation'. Babies wanted to get made in me. Men wanted to spend time in me. I was a hot commodity. If Whitney Houston was right and the children were the future then I had the future in me. My body was sacred. Fifteen books worth and all of a sudden I had all the power in the world in my teeny body.
How many discount cards do you carry in your wallet and where are they from?
Submitted by danatmedog.
REALLY!?!?!?! THIS is this question of the day?
The folks behind vox are thinking this is a worthy question that needs
answering. What a sad day for the vox readers. WHO CARES
where people shop, let alone get discounts from? That is not a
rhetorical question, I am genuinely curious if ANYONE at all really
wants to know where his/her peers are getting prices slashed or what
plastic trash is clogging friendly wallets. Of all the
interesting things to ask a person, of all the interesesting anecdotes
that could arise with as little provocation as a question, today I am
given this. This question reeks of small lives, forgotten dreams,
championing mediocrity. In summation, this question is a load of
tripe.
After all the recent season and series finales, what are you watching on TV these days?
I sold my television in a yard sale for $20, along with a lot of other post-separation junk. I moved into a smaller apartment and now watch movies on my big ass mac screen. I prefer life without TV. When I need the fix or hear of a good show, I'll watch at a Tivo household cuz that's what friends are for (kinda). If not, I'll wait patiently, like a big cat stalking prey, for the DVD release of the coveted show.
Now, in the silence of my new home, without the high pitch squeal of
the TV, my mind is left to wander. At this juncture in my life,
introspection is key. How did I land myself here?
Somedays, I can't escape the feeling that I am in a real time game of Shutes and
Ladders and my foot fell carelessly in a square that set me back four years.
Other days, I feel on top of the world, in control, perched to see
those things bigger and better coming in from the distance. Most
of the time I have a new emotion every five minutes. Such
is life. I prefer it without television.
If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?
Submitted by J.T.
Can't choose one... but three!
Teleportation, telekinesis, and invisibility!
Teleportation so that I could
1) easily check off all of the destinations on my travel wish list
2) not be dependent on gas or have to risk my life on my bike during LA rush hour
3) help my little brother with his homework in Buenos Aires, play a
game of La Crapette with Evelina, watch the news with my mom, and have
a plate of pasta with my pops on a regular basis.
4) always be on time
5) get into sold out shows
6) get dirt on certain politicians (in conjunction with invisibility)
7) rob banks
Telekinesis, so that I could
1) multi task (e.g yoga and prepare a meal AT THE SAME TIME)
2) complete tasks faster...like just think of the reference book,
stapler, shower cap and there it comes a floating to me just as i need
it...and then i put it away WITH MY BRAIN until i need it again
3) do anything by remote
4) rob banks
Invisibility, so that I could
1) get into sold out shows
2) be an awesome P.I
3) hang out & loiter
4) cure people of the hiccups by sneaking up on them (this could work with teleportation too) and scaring the crap out of them
5) publically smear certain politicians by broadcasting the dirt i've collected on them
6) rob banks
with my super powers i would reek havoc and do good...like a robin hood...yeah
What's your favorite heartbreak song?
Submitted by esta86.
The Origin of Love by Hedwig & The Angry Inch...gets me every time.
If you're reincarnated, what do you think you'll come back as?
Submitted by Diana.
Geez, depending on what the turn over time on reincarnation is, there might not be much left to come back as but another human.
All I can really say is that I don't want to come back as one of these hilariously sad little fellas...
My real life has been getting in the way of my cyber life (no complaints there) and as a result I've missed some qotd's that I would have liked to answer. The most recent of these being "what is the most drastic change you've made to your appearance?" Well, I think that aside from tattooing my face the best I could do, or anyone for that matter unless you're Michael Jackson who managed to change his skin color, is change my hair...
So, I went into my old boxes of pre-digital era pictures looking for images from when I went from having hair down to my ass to short red, and then to even shorter black hair in my early twenties. And that's when I realized that I could tell this weird story of my life through the hair styles worn at differert stages. (See attached image.) My hair is now the longest its been since shortly after my 21st birthday. I am half way through 28.
In the bottom right corner of my "hairiffic" picture, you will see me in my very favorite shirt, in answer to another qotd I missed. It's a Sonic Youth shirt that I almost always take with me when I go snowboarding. Blue isn't my color but my very very very favorite shirt went missing a couple of years back and that one was my color, Black, and it said "trashy trucker" in big gold script. I got it while filming a documentary about..you guessed it....Truckers.
As far as pizza is concerned (the third and final qotd that I missed but still feel inclined to answer), I am a big fan! And though I love eating with my hands (ethiopian food is a staple in my diet) I rarely eat pizza without a knife and fork. I cut it into small manageable strips and then, sometimes, I'll pick it up with my hands....I do this with sandwiches, too.
So here is the HAIRIFFIC story of my life....
What song best describes your current mood?
Submitted by Section31.
I've been having a very 'freaky friday'....so my song today would DEFINITELY be "I'm So Confused" by Jonathan Richman..."I have to sigh now....huh"
What is your earliest memory?
Submitted by Megan.
My earliest memory is of a recurring dream that I had starting at age 2
or 3. In the dream, my mother is pushing me on a swing in a
fairly crowded park (the dream me was always whatever age I was in
waking life at the time.) Suddenly robots invade the park. They
are taking people with them or killing them. Children are
seperated from their parents. There is screaming, it is
frantic. My mother picks me up and we escape.
Years later I asked my mother if she remembered this
day at the park, thinking that perhaps for all the times I had dreamed
it that it was real. I was around 11 when my mother told me about
the Dirty War and why we left Argentina when I was just over a year old. It's strange the way children process information.
